The Fog is Clearing

A lot has happened over the last couple of months. My mom had hip surgery and we cared for her, we had Covid, Sean’s uncle who we were really close to passed away unexpectedly and too early in life, we planned his funeral and flew to CA twice in a month, and I got hired as a Kindergarten Teacher. We have been running a mile a minute and things are just settling down.

As you may remember, we paused our adoption contract with our consultant because I was transitioning careers. Now, I have officially transitioned! I still have coursework to do in my program, evaluations to pass, tests to pass, etc. The journey is not over but I got a hired- wohoo!! I have been teaching for 5 weeks now. I am really enjoying teaching. Teaching students how to read, count, add, subtract, use scissors and glue, follow directions and rules, and be kind to each other is really rewarding. I am learning how to manage a classroom and behavior is improving. Things are progressing. Most of my students are at-risk, which comes with challenges to navigate. They are in my heart and on my mind constantly. I pray for them.

Even though the adoption journey has been on pause, God has still been working on our hearts. He uses the hard things to refine us. A couple of months ago, I went to an OB appointment as you may remember. She was a Christian doctor and told me she knew a couple whose journey was similar to ours. They had a vlog on Youtube and she told me to watch their videos for encouragement. Their story was very similar to ours- the husband had cancer when he was younger, as well. In all of our time dealing with this fertility rollercoaster, we have never met another couple who had a similar story to ours. Most couples deal with female infertility or other fertility issues other than impact from cancer. Our story is unique and has come with challenges that many other couples that face infertility do not face. So, this was HUGE for me that there was another couple out there that may be able to really relate with our specific circumstances. I looked them up on FB and realized they lived near us so I reached out via Messenger. The wife and I messaged and encouraged each other.

Well, about two weeks ago, we were in a coffee shop and I looked over and there they were sitting at a table near ours! Through conversation, we found out that they were there filling out their foster-to-adopt application! We were able to pray with them. Then, we all sat and talked about our journeys and compared notes. We learned some things from them that we did not know. Also, I feel like we were able to relate to each other’s experiences, the rollercoaster of emotions, the limited options, and the flexibility that is needed or pressed upon you in a journey like this one. It was definitely a divine appointment and one that made my heart so happy. We had been contemplating switching gears to foster-to-adopt so it was poignant that we happened to run into them when they were filling out their paperwork. We walked away feeling encouraged. Also, we felt hopeful for them for their journey.

When we started on this journey almost 4 years ago now, I asked God to help me to not get bitter. Until more recently, I have truly been able to have joy for others. Then, in the last several months when we received bad news or had to pause on our journey, I really struggled with questioning God, being frustrated with God, and even celebrating with others. I was reading Acts 16 yesterday. Paul and Silas were badly beaten with rods for preaching the Gospel and then they were imprisoned. While in prison, they were praying and singing praises to God. I felt like God softened my heart and reminded me that praise is where breakthrough comes from and that I need to praise even when things don’t go as expected. Not necessarily for Him, but for me… so I can have breakthrough, so I can be free, so I don’t get bitter. God is not the author of destruction, but He is all good. When bad things happen or when things don’t go my way, He is still worthy of praise. And it is through that praise where I will find my freedom.

More specifically, I feel like God was asking me for my praise and surrender- to praise Him even when it is hard and things don’t go my way. After Paul and Silas praised in prison, the prison shook and the prison doors opened. A bad thing had happened to them- they were beaten with wooden rods. The Bible says they were beaten badly. However; they still prayed and praised God. Then, the prison doors swung open. God does not cause the bad because He is good, but He will deliver us if we press into Him.

This is a journey of growth. I am so very thankful for my husband. He is a good man. He serves at food banks, is a giver, and cares for others. He’s a man’s man- a motorcycle rider, sharp shooter, fighter, and a Conservative. I am proud of the growth that he has embraced in this journey and how he has allowed it to mold and change him into a better person. I am proud of us for growing closer together, closer to God, and stronger through this journey. We are still believing for a miracle and walking more and more in surrender every day.