Enlarge Your House

For several days, I have been feeling strongly that God wanted me to write another blog post. And that I needed to “tell my story” and “be honest”. Honestly, I started this blog for the very same reasons- that I felt led to. It is difficult for me to share this journey, at times, because we are still walking through it. We don’t have all of the answers, we haven’t reached our goal, and some of what we experience is very raw. It is much easier to share a story after you have already received your happy ending, but much more vulnerable to share while you are going through it.

Today, I finally committed to sitting down to write this blog. It’s funny- I did not realize until about 5 minutes ago that today is August 10^th. If you read my last blog, you will remember that we said yes to an adoption situation and the birth mom chose another family. That baby was supposed to be born today, August 10^th. How ironic that God has been pressing on my heart to write a blog and today is the day that I am writing it. God is funny like that.

A lot has changed since my last blog. I have been feeling for a while that I was in the wrong industry career-wise. I was excellent at my job and had built my career up. However, I felt like I was being called to education. I received several God confirmations, but still had a hard time letting go of my career to transition to another. Most of my hesitation had to do with fear- fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of financial change, and fear of letting others down. One major factor was that a fertility and adoption journey are very expensive and I made more money than I would make as a teacher. I was scared to take the plunge, even though I felt like God wanted me to. Also, it was hard to let go of what I had worked so hard to build up. I finally did it at the end of June. I am now 100 percent certain that this was what I was supposed to do.

I received a text from a person who wishes to remain anonymous on the day that I going to put in my notice. We scheduled a time to connect later that evening. I put in my notice that day and was feeling worried, nervous, and hopeful that I did the right thing. I talked to this person that evening. We caught up on her life and then I shared that I had put in my notice that day. I explained why- that it was a high stress career, that I worked a lot of over time and that was not aligned with the dreams I have for raising a family, and that I felt for a while that I was being called into education. She shared with me that she wished she would have transitioned from her high stress career earlier in life. Every lie and fear that I had been believing are ones she brought up as what had held her back and if she had to do it again, she would have transitioned to another career. She encouraged me that it is always better to do what you feel God is calling you to (even if you mishear) and that God sees our heart and honors that we are pursuing what we feel is Him, even if we find out it wasn’t. The conversation was exactly what I needed to hear and I felt it was another confirmation I did the right thing. Then, she said that she wanted to explain the real reason why she called. She felt for several days that God was pressing on her to give us a significant amount of money. I was floored. Floored by her obedience and floored because I knew that my biggest fear in transitioning careers was provision and affording adoption. She said there were no strings attached- that we could use it to supplement our income during this time of transition or to go towards adoption. Let me reiterate- she called me on the very same day that I put in my notice at work letting me know that God pressed on her heart to give us a certain amount of money. Again, He is concerned with the details of our lives.

In the following days, other things transpired that really hit home that it was the right move for me. I can tell you that I am living my best life. I was accepted into a teaching program prior to putting in my notice and am about 27% of the way through the requirements to be allowed to teach. I have been recharging and developing a self-care routine. Every weekday, I have my coffee, open my planner to write down three things I am grateful for, review appointments, set school and housework goals, and write down what I accomplished the previous day. I pray and read my Bible. I am reading several books that are developing me. I listen to the news. My husband is a teacher and has been off for the summer (although he is back to work now). We used that time off together to have fun with each other and to purge and reorganize our home. He is still working from home so we are still working on purging and recharging. This time has been such a blessing for me and I will never forget it. Also, we just got back from spending a week and half in Louisiana. I was never able to visit for that long before because my job only allowed one to two weeks off a year (depending on how long you had been there) so I would only come in for 3-4 days at a time. While there, we were able to visit many family and friends. Also, we were able to care for my mom after her hip surgery and be there for her when she really needed us to. I was able to help her purge and re- organize her home, which is something I have been wanting to do for a long time. There are things I have been wanting to do for a long time that I just didn’t have the capacity to do before. This season has been refreshing, needed, and is occurring at the perfect timing.

I was hired as a substitute teacher for a substitute staffing company in our area. I will be applying to other districts near me, as well. Once students go back to school in person, I will sub until I finish my requirements to teach. At that time, I will pursue a full-time teaching position. I will most likely be finished with the requirements by the beginning of October and my goal is to have a full-time teaching position by January. I am pursuing those goals but am also approaching it with a “hands open” approach as I am open to whatever God wants to do. Since my husband is a teacher, we have been able to talk about what I am learning in my teaching program and share that common ground together. It has been fun! We are both excited that we will be able to share techniques and experiences with each other and have the same holidays and breaks off. We really wanted to be able to have more family time and trips over the summer. That wouldn’t have been possible before with my previous career but will be possible when I am a teacher. I am SO glad I took the risk and that I am no longer watching everyone else live a life they love, but am pursuing that myself.

We have been pursuing family growth for almost 4 years. The thing about a fertility and adoption journey is that life continues while you are in the midst of it. In my case, I kept telling myself that I would change careers once we had a baby biologically, then when we created a baby through IVF, and then when we brought one home through adoption. I kept putting off making necessary changes until we achieved our biggest goal- having a baby. We have felt so close so many times and then it didn’t happen. It’s like being in a long race and they keep moving the finish line further out. At some point, you have to give attention to other areas of your life so that you can continue enduring in the overall race. We have done that throughout our journey- we have taken time to grieve and rest and to focus on other dreams. One big dream we pursued was moving to Texas a little over a year ago. That positioned us to be closer to my family and some of Sean’s family. It also allowed us to purchase a home. Now, we are taking a little time to create a better life where I am in a career that I love and that aligns with our personal goals.

If you really think about it, all of these changes that we have pursued will help our future children to have a better life, as well. They will grow up closer to their family, have a home to grow up in that is ours, both of their parents will have the same schedule as them once they are in school plus holidays and summers off together, and home life will be better because their parents are working in jobs they enjoy. We are making friends in Texas now. And we just became members of our church yesterday after attending for a year. Things are lining up.

I mentioned before that we set up a nursery. This was a faith move for us. We watched a Steve Harvey motivational video where he preaches that you need to prepare for what you are believing for. For several months, we had that on our mind and finally set up the nursery sometime in May. Most weekdays, I pray in that nursery. I wrote down scriptures about fertility and faith and speak those over our lives and over our future baby.

“Enlarge your house, build an addition. Spread out your home, and spare no expense! For you will soon be bursting at the seams…”

Isaiah 54:2-3

We feel called to adopt. We feel called to foster children. Also, we are hoping that one day God will perform a miracle and give us a biological child. We have spent $6,500 so far on adoption. Roughly $7K has been raised for our adoption through our GoFundMe, outside donations, and our ABL bath salts and sugar scrubs fundraiser. We have personally saved about $18+K (in addition to the $6,500 already spent). This comes from budgeting, saving, and cashing out what remained of our retirement. That’s all of our eggs in one basket. All together, we currently have a little over $25K saved. This does not include the money someone gave to us on the day I put in my notice. We did qualify for a $20K adoption loan, but this is on hold until schools go back to in-person teaching and I am able to sub or teach. Most adoptions cost between $38-45K so that would fill in the gap. That total doesn’t cover all costs associated with adoption, just the actual situation. So, we are in the waiting again until we re-qualify for the loan as 3 of our agencies cost about that much. We are still “live” with one adoption agency that only costs about $20K. However; they don’t place babies with families that often. Also, if we were to connect through the grapevine with a birth mom who wants to place their baby for adoption, we could do this because it would be exponentially cheaper. If you hear of anyone looking to place their baby for adoption, let us know. We are hoping for a miracle. We are believing for breakthrough accompanied by miracles. Also, we are seeking God to see what our next steps are.

We have been having discussions about parenting- getting into the real, nitty gritty. We have different parenting styles so we have been talking through things and compromising. It is not always easy! We are able to observe our family and friends who have kids and use what we see as points of discussion. I guess that’s one of the perks of not having kids when everyone else does- we get to learn from watching others. We tuck away the good that we see that we want to emulate and learn from others’ mistakes. We know we will make plenty of our own mistakes and that every child is different, but I am thankful that we are having these conversations now.  

I do feel like before this was paused a little due to my career transition that I had been carrying the adoption weight on my shoulders. I don’t mean that Sean has not been working his butt off too because we both have. What I mean is that I think I was not fully giving it to God. I felt responsible for all of the money we needed to raise and was just carrying this big boulder while walking up a mountain. I am going to do my best to not pick that up again. This is God’s journey. I don’t totally know what it looks like. But I am surrendering and trying to listen. I was trusting and believing before, but I had not surrendered. I know that almost seems like the same thing but I have realized it is actually a little different.

I did want to share some things we do practically to save but still live out our core values because I think it may help someone else. We tithe and give beyond that to support causes and people that we know who are having a hard time. I have noticed that God protects our finances now. I cannot tell you how many times we have received a refund from companies saying that they overcharged us. Just the other day, the IVF clinic was audited and they apparently overcharged us so we are receiving an $800 refund check for a service they did not complete. I don’t remember that ever happening to us before we started tithing. I think God guards and protects our finances. We buy used cars. It’s 2020 and both of our cars were made in 2008. We buy Hondas and Toyotas and always comb through the reviews before we purchase. We have been fortunate to have great success with purchasing reliable vehicles so far. Most of our vehicles have been bought outright with cash due to their lower cost. We bought a home that was the same monthly payment as our previous rent. Based on our debt-to-income ratios, we could have afforded a much higher payment/ more expensive house but we chose to live well within our means and bought a lovely, updated home that was built in 1979. I love older homes and it is a great house with an inground pool and a bigger lot! Also, we are actually saving money each month since buying (versus renting). You just can’t beat that! We go on vacations, but try to make them shorter- like 2-3 days. Shorter vacations are cheaper but can still be relaxing. We don’t want to wait to enjoy our life until everything is perfect because we are not promised tomorrow, but we try to operate in wisdom. Also, we usually stay in an Air Bnb so we can cook most of our meals and only go out to eat a couple of times. We each have a mutually agreed upon allowance for personal spending. Proactive health is important to us and is one of our core values so we do try to buy organic (fruits, veggies, and meat), invest in good supplements, and essential oils. However; I believe this saves us more money in the long run because we get sick less. Getting sick is expensive once you add up doctor’s visits, prescriptions, and days missed from work. We buy generic or store brand as much as we can. We cook a lot at home, but we do still have date nights. Moving to TX from CA is saving us so much money in traveling. When we go to Louisiana, it is a tenth of the cost we paid before. We put all of our expenses on our Southwest card and pay it off at the end of each month. This allows us to build up points so all of our flights are essentially free, when we do fly. We review our finances before making big purchases to determine if we can really afford it. We are currently purging our house and selling or donating what we don’t need. It is always good to take inventory and get rid of things that you don’t really use. We buy clothes from places like Ross, Marshalls, and Wal-Mart. We buy home décor from yard sales, Ross, and Marshalls, but a lot of our décor was gifted to us at our wedding or for a birthday. We bought our living room furniture from Big Lots and buy other furniture from FB Marketplace. We do good at our budget most months and on months when things get out of whack, we re-evaluate and buckle down. Hopefully, these tips and tricks help someone else on their financial journey.

Just a reminder, we paid off all our debt excluding student loans totaling roughly $30K before we ever started on our fertility journey (about 4 years ago). We paid thousands towards IVF (in addition to those who donated) and paid for a cross country move to TX in the last 2 years. $18K in savings is what we personally saved for adoption after all of this occurring in the last 2 years. We found out that we had fertility issues less than THREE years ago and were not planning for that kind of hit. I am very proud of us for living on a budget, still making memories, and still being able to save as much money as we have in this short amount of time. We have worked hard, but God has also blessed us and helped us to operate in wisdom. We really aren’t perfect at it but we have built things into our lifestyle like driving used cars that allow us to save more to accomplish our goals.

I am in the waiting, but I am growing. I am focusing on putting God first, finishing my program, self-care, spending time with Sean, purging and re-organizing our home, loving on others, and preparing for our future family. You can be in prayer for us that God grows our family soon, that He opens the doors, provides the finances, and sustains us during this long journey. Let us know if you know anyone that is interested in placing their baby for adoption.

Blessings,

Michele