Why are foster families leaving foster care so often? Why are social workers leaving foster care so often? Well, there is a dangerous ideology that is being taught to a young generation of social workers in the foster care system. That ideology is reunification with the biological family is the number one goal, even when the bio family is not safe. This is reunification at all costs- that cost is the children. Of course, it is best for children to be with their bio family… when the family is safe and will take care of the children. However; children are being reunited when that is not the case.
I have been in the foster care and adoption world for several years now. Here are a few examples from foster families that I KNOW. One of the stories is our foster babies story, but I won’t specify which one for the privacy of the children…
A family fostered a child for over two years. When he came to them as an infant, he had endured physical abuse, which resulted in a broken arm. Since he was placed with the foster parents as an infant, he knew them as his mom and dad. Over two years later, he was reunited with a bio family who weren’t really his parents (his parents were the foster parents who had cared for him) and who had caused him unspeakable trauma as an infant. Leaving his foster parents would obviously be traumatic given the level of care while he was in their home and his familial attachment to them. Less than a year later, his bio parents murdered him. This made a lasting impact on me personally. When children are placed back with the bio fam, I have seen that social workers stop checking in within a month. If kids are going to go back to a situation where they have been severely abused, social workers should be checking in often to ensure the same abuse is not occurring again. This child should have never been reunited and then he should not have been left without the oversight of the state.
Another example… A bio mom and dad had lost rights to four of their other children. They were on m$th and the bio dad was incredibly abusive. The second child lived with them until three years of age and then was removed by child services. The child had m$th in his system because it is pervasive. When it is near, it permeates into everything it is around- food, clothing, people. The third and fourth children were born with m$th in their system and were removed from the family at birth. The kicker is that child services let the bio parents have visitation while they were actively high. This endangers children because people who are high on m$th are not safe. Also, if it is on their skin or clothing when they hold the children, it can permeate their skin. This is an example of how the foster care system is catering to the rights of bio parents when it is not safe for the children. The fourth child also had neurological issues due to severe drug exposure in the womb. There are no criminal charges for this, even though he is the one to suffer the consequences for the rest of his life.
Another example… A toddler boy and infant girl were removed from their home from neglect. In this case, the boy had been removed three times and the girl had been removed twice as she was only seven months old. Their bio mom had mental health issues that caused her to be unable to take care of herself. The state would come in several times a week to deliver her meds and groceries. The social workers would ensure that she took her meds while there. However; she was in charge of administering her own children’s meds without any oversight. Their meds were unlabeled and she could not tell the social worker how much the child should be receiving even though she was actively administering the meds while the social worker was there. The child would receive the medicine and fall asleep. His diaper rash was so bad that he had sores. Their mom kept company with men who were charged with violence towards children (whose own children had been removed by the state) and the infant daughter was pictured laying in bed with one of them. Her home had a revolving door where people were in and out. She would use threats of suicide as a way to get her adolescent son to comply. He would, in turn, emulate that behavior at school- threatening to k-ll himself when he didn’t get his way. The children were kept in a pack n’play all day, which limited their movement and delayed their developmental milestones. The bio mom did not work and there was no reason for their extended time in the pack n’ play. The infant daughter was given a bottle and left to feed herself, even though she could not hold the bottle so she was not eating. The toddler boy would steal her bottle from her. The final straw that caused their removal was a social worker showed up at the home to drop off the mom’s meds and the toddler boy had a plastic bag trash bag wrapped around his neck while in the pack n’ play. Within one month of being placed with the foster family, the infant girl gained four pounds, sat up, was crawling, and started pulling up. With proper nutrition and ability to move about, she was hitting milestone after milestone. The toddler boy started walking with more ease. He also gained weight. The children were placed back with their bio mom, even though she did not work the plan given to her by the state and she could not take care of herself. She was supposed to take parenting classes and go to a counselor, which she did not do consistently. There was no proof of a change, but they were reunited. Also, they had been in and out of foster care, which causes trauma from being removed and being reunited. Both are traumatic.
Another example… bio mom and dad were on m$th. They had lost parental rights to their first five children. This is not taken into account with any other children that are born. Each case is its own. The next set of five children were removed due to the parents’ addiction and lack of ability to care for their kids. The kids continued to be placed back with the bio parents then back into the system. This continued multiple times until they were over five years old. It is traumatic for children to be removed from their bio home (unless the trauma is so severe and it is a relief for them) and then traumatic to be placed back (once they have made familial attachments to their foster family). Also, if they are placed back with the bio fam but they are unable to care for them, it is traumatic when they come from a foster home that has been caring for them. To go from a high level of care to a low level of care and love is traumatizing. The parental rights were terminated after years of the children going back and forth from living with the bio fam to foster care. The kids suffered their own mental health issues because of all of the trauma of the back and forth and what they experienced while in the care of their bio fam. This trauma can be minimized when bio families are required to work their state mandated plans to receive their children back and when there is a maximum number of times that kids can go in and out of the foster care system before termination of rights is required.
Another example… This is current and one that is very upsetting to me. A set of infant twins, a girl and a boy, were enduring physical abuse from their bio parents. The infant boy’s abuse resulted in irreversible brain damage. The bio parents are facing criminal charges, but are not in jail at this time. Both infants were removed, but the judge signed for the infant girl to be reunited with her parents since the abuse did not cause irreversible physical damage to her. The state is requiring visitation with the bio parents and their infant son. Every time he goes to visitation, he breaks out in hives. This is most likely a stress response because he experienced severe trauma from them. They also put him in clothes that are many sizes too small for him and the clothes could have an allergen on them. The CASA (child’s advocate) and ad litem (child’s attorney) have submitted documentation that the reunification of the infant daughter and the visitation with the bio parents and the infant son are not in the best interest of the children- that it is unsafe for the kids and causing more trauma. The judge will not listen. He has child deaths on his record from other families that he has reunified. This is what happens when reunification is king instead of the well-being and safety of the children. Foster care should always be about what is in the best interest of the child, and most importantly, their safety.
You may have noticed one of the trends here- m$th. The root of the majority of foster care and adoption situations that we have been exposed to is m$th. I did not know anything about it before we started this journey. It is rampant and the cause of the breakdown of families, abuse, and neglect. The longer a person is on it, the less care taking abilities and familial attachments they have. They may do things that they would never do when sober. It is an epidemic. As I stated before, most don’t realize that m$th permeates whatever it is near. If it is kept in a home, the children are very likely exposed- it can be found in their body and hair. This exposure can cause many side effects. Also, it usually stays in their system for a year. Many times, there are lasting neurological damage to a child.
Kids are removed to keep them safe, and also as a wake up call to their bio parents. A large number of children are being reunited when it is NOT safe. Children have a right to live in a loving, safe environment where they are well cared for. The goal of removal should be that it is a wake up call to bio parents that causes great change in their personal lives and parental choices that rehabs them into safe parents. Unfortunately, children are being required to attend visitations with bio families when it is not safe or healthy for them. They are being reunited when parents have not worked their state mandated plans. They are being placed back with bio parents without any post-placement supervision. Foster parents are incredibly scrutinized and there is a great amount of oversight when a child is in a foster home. It is very strange that upon being placed back with their bio fam that oversight ends. Yes, workloads are heavy, but to place kids back in a home that has been abusive without any extended oversight is negligence. When we adopted Samuel, we were required to have six months of post- placements visits with the social worker to ensure that we were safe parents. Foster and adoptive families are required to have post- placement visits and scrutiny, but bio families who have abused and neglected their children are not once reunified.
Back to the original questions. Why do foster families stop fostering so often? Why do social workers quit so often? Many reasons, but usually not because of the children. One of the biggest reasons is the heartache that comes with knowing a child is being reunited with a family that is unsafe. Not that they have gone back home. There is heartache there too but it is bearable when you know they are going back to bio parents that have worked to become safe. It is unbearable when they have not. Reunification is on such a pedestal in the foster care system that it calls into question their motives- could it be quotas or cyclical cases means more money paid out? Young social workers are being fed an ideology that plays out as reunification at all costs. The cost is to the children. Reunification should occur only when a home is safe and often, this is not happening. Many times, foster parents have to pay out of their own pocket for a lawyer to fight the foster care system that is supposed to protect the children.
What am I proposing? Let’s review. One, that the safety and well-being of the children is the number one priority. Reunification is only best when parents are safe. Two, visitation with bio parents is allowed when parents have passed a drug test and when it does not seem to be further traumatizing the child. Three, reunification occurs once bio parents have worked their state mandated plan and have shown tangible change. Four, reunification is not the goal for every situation as some abuse should demand termination of rights without the ability to work a plan. As of right now, death of one of the children is the only cause of adoption being the goal of a plan from the time of removal. Five, post- placement visits occur after reunification for six months. Children are interviewed privately multiple times to ensure that abuse has not resurfaced. Six, there is a limit to the number of times a child can go into foster care before parental rights are terminated. It is traumatic to go back and forth. Seven, judges that have child deaths due to their placement and reunification decisions should be monitored and receive oversight. Judges who have high rates of cyclical foster care situations, kids coming in and out of the system multiple times, should receive oversight.
I mostly have experience with Texas’ foster care system. I have experienced amazing judges that truly care for the children and judges that do not seem to be operating in the best interest of the child. Each story shared here will not apply to every state or county’s decisions. Many times, the system is failing the kids. For every child that is placed for private adoption, there are dozens of families waiting. The issue is not the lack of willing families. The issue is that many are hesitant to be part of a foster care system that reunifies when it is not safe. We can do better and we must do better for the sake of the children.
“Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; uphold the rights of the oppressed and the destitute.” Psalms 82:3
“Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.” Isaiah 1:17
“O Lord, rescue me from evil people. Protect me from those who are violent, those who plot evil in their hearts and stir up trouble all day long. Their tongues sting like a snake; the venom of a viper drips from their lips. O Lord, keep me out of the hands of the wicked. Protect me from those who are violent, for they are plotting against me.” Psalms 140: 1-4
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
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