I usually only blog when I feel compelled to and I feel compelled to today. For the last 7-8 months, we have been on a journey to be licensed to foster to adopt. The process can look different from state to state. In Texas, foster care is privatized so you cannot foster directly through the state. The state employs agencies to be a “middle man” for them. Each agency has their own culture, mission, and values. Basically, they follow the state’s regulations, but have their own overlays. It took us a while to figure all of this out before we transitioned our journey from private domestic infant adoption to “foster to adopt”. Anytime you change directions in a fertility journey, you have to start over from scratch. Meaning that any applications, home studies, or money you have spent starts back over. You cannot transfer paperwork or home studies from one agency to another usually. Perhaps somewhere out there, there are agencies that allow this but we have not encountered it.
I usually do review the financial aspect of this journey in my blog. I mainly do this because people have donated to our fertility journey in the past and I like to be transparent. Our private domestic infant adoption pursuit cost about $7K and the $5,600 raised via our GoFundMe went to pay for those expenses. We are so thankful that folks donated to that pursuit. One of the reasons we pivoted to foster to adopt was because what was communicated to us regarding the financial aspect of private domestic infant adoption was not the reality we were presented with. The consultants we went with told us that $38K was the national adoption cost average and that that was the minimum we needed to be able to pay. We were told we could set the amount we were comfortable with, which our highest max was $38K based on our ability to save, fundraise, get adoption loans, etc. Unfortunately, none of the adoption situations we were presented with were ever that low. All of the situations were much higher and we realized the average cost was closer to $50K. The financial burden of that journey was very heavy. Not to say we would never pursue it again, but it was a hard pill to swallow.
Another reason we pivoted to foster to adopt was because we felt God had called us to adopt (if you remember our Easter story) and we felt like there was a “yes” regarding fostering. Fostering had always been on our hearts. In fact, when we first moved to Texas and started pursuing adoption, we went to a foster and adoption meeting at a local agency. As I said before, the culture of every agency in Texas is different and this particular agency did not really have a heart for adoption. They let us know that if we were pursuing fostering to expand our family that fostering was not the option for us. We took them at their word and that is how we ended up pursing private domestic infant adoption. We said once we adopted, we would start fostering children. We have since found an agency that is more balanced in their approach- they want to reunite children with their families, but are so thankful for foster families who want to adopt when reunification is not possible.
We are really excited to be pursuing foster to adopt. We both love children. We have all of the resources to care for them, house them, and love them well. We feel blessed to be able to step up to meet their needs, even if just for a season. We are fully aware and ok with the fact that multiple children may come through our home before we have the opportunity to adopt. We are happy to be able to make an impact in their lives and be there for them in a hard season in their lives. We are also hopeful that at some point, we will be able to adopt and grow our family through foster to adopt.
We started the process to be approved to foster to adopt 7-8 months ago. I don’t want to exaggerate, but I feel like we have filled out hundreds of pages of paperwork- applications and questionnaires etc. We completed roughly 60 hours of training. We have had a physical, background check, and financial evaluation. Our home has been inspected 4 times. We had to prepare for those inspections by ensuring our house checked all of the boxes. I won’t go into everything we had to do, but it was a lot of work. We just completed a 2 part home study that spanned 6 hours where someone comes into your home and interviews you asking you about every detail of your entire life. Questions range from “What is your most traumatic childhood memory?” to “Do you feel you and your spouse are sexually compatible?” The questions are invasive and thorough. For the children’s sake, I am glad the questions are so thorough, but it is a lot.
The home study was the last thing we needed to do before being licensed. We are waiting on the home study report to come back right now. It should have come back on Friday but we have not heard from our home study agent so we are thinking that she has not finished it yet. If she finishes it before Wednesday, our agency will most likely meet on Wednesday to discuss if we are approved to be licensed or not. We have to fit within their approval overlays. Everyone says not to worry because we are good people, but you never know. I think we are both feeling a little stressed right now. We believe we will be approved, but there is always fear and a little doubt.
Given our experience with our fertility journey, we don’t exactly have a track record of things working out for us. God has been with us and shown up all throughout our journey and we are so grateful, but we still do not have children. A fertility journey requires A LOT of faith. It requires faith in a promise that has not been fulfilled and that you cannot see. [Please do not insert your cliches here. No offense, but cliches don’t help.] I feel like I am supposed to communicate what this part of the journey is like. I don’t know why, but perhaps, it is for someone. A fertility journey is like giving 100% in your faith in believing that you can have kids naturally, but then you cannot. Then, you take your grief to God and ask Him to be a part of it, to heal you, and direct your path. It is then finding out that there may be a chance through IVF with ICSI, putting aside all doubt to believe against all odds that you will be successful through IVF and ICSI, asking God to help you with the financial aspect and He does, and then the attempt was a HUGE fail. Then, it is taking all of your disappointment and loss to God and asking Him to be with you in the midst of sadness and defeat. God shows you your next steps but not exactly how to accomplish the goal of adoption. You choose private domestic, put your name in the hat for a child, once again put all of your doubts aside and choose to give 100% in your faith and belief for this to happen, and then find out that you were not chosen to be the child’s adopted parents. Now, once again, we are casting doubt and fear aside and revving up to put all of our faith into believing for foster to adopt licensure approval. We continue to be faithful to believe when we have not received yet what we have been believing for.
There are times throughout the journey where I have tried to figure out if there was a special formula. Am I struggling to put God first? Are my priorities out of whack so God won’t bless us? Are there things that need to be different in our lives in order to receive what we have been believing for? Is our past discounting us from our future? These are the questions you start to ask yourself. Am I praying wrong? Believing wrong? Hearing wrong? Then, after sorting through the questions, you commit again to have faith and believe 100%. You have others pray and believe with you. This is what a fertility journey looks like. It requires continued faith and trust after not receiving what you have been believing for in multiple situations. However; God has shown up in so many other ways during this journey to let us know that we do not have to carry this burden alone, that He will provide for us financially, and He is always there for us. I feel like I have been faithful to share many of the ways that He has shown up supernaturally via this blog.
I think part of what I am describing is not isolated to a fertility journey, but is part of the human experience. Most people have something they are struggling with. This is just our struggle. I was encouraged this morning by this scripture:
“Even though there was no reason for hope, Abraham kept hoping- believing that he would become the father of many nations. For God had said to him, “That’s how many descendants you will have!” And Abraham’s faith did not weaken, even though at about 100 years of age, he figured his body was as good as dead- and so was Sarah’s womb. Abraham never waivered in believing God’s promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger; and in this he brought glory to God. He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever He promises. And because of Abraham’s faith, God counted him as righteous.” – Romans 4:18-22
I pray that my faith continues to grow stronger. I know our marriage has grown stronger through this journey and that is nothing but God. Most people grow apart during adversity and I do not take this for granted. I am so grateful for how this journey has shaped each of us individually and as a couple. It has provided us the opportunity to grow so I would never take it back.
We started preparing a nursery last May when we were pursuing private domestic infant adoption. We felt like we were supposed to prepare a place for what we were believing for. We just had a crib, changing table, and painted a shelf and small dresser. We had a couple of sets of baby clothes. We didn’t go crazy with it, but we did do it. When people have come to our home over the last year, I have felt a little uncomfortable at times to have a nursery with no kids in sight. Sometimes faith makes you look crazy. I always think of Noah building the ark in preparation for a flood that no one else knew about. It made him look crazy, but he was faithful to do what God told him to do. In the end, he was right to be obedient. He was prepared when the rest of the world was not.
Once we completed the trainings and were pretty far along in the foster to adopt licensing process, we allowed ourselves to prepare for the children we would be receiving. Also, our agency wanted us to prepare by having two outfits and one pair of pajamas in each size in our age range, car seats, beds, bedding, etc. So, we were encouraged to prepare. However; I was still a little fearful of this falling through somehow and now we have all of this stuff. Just to provide a little more background, once you are approved to be licensed, you can have kids in your home a couple of days later. So, you really should be prepared before you are approved because it happens quickly. If we are approved on Wednesday, we could have kids in our home on Friday night. Everything would have to go perfectly for that to happen but that is how quickly things could come to fruition.
It has been really fun preparing to foster kids. I was able to buy clothes, baby things, kids things. It has been so nice to feel “allowed” to do that. Our TX friends threw us a foster to adopt shower that was really everything I hoped for- it was so much fun and our family and friends were genuinely excited with us. My LA family threw us another foster to adopt shower on my birthday. It was also everything I hoped for- truly beautiful and aesthetically pleasing, my Mawmaw Lucy came, we were surrounded by close friends and family. We have been truly blessed through the support of our family and friends during these last few months preparing for kids but also throughout this entire journey.
People have had to rally around us on more than one occasion. At times, I feel like we have used up and had to ask for so many prayers and support along the way. I am just so thankful for everyone that keeps supporting us all along the way. It truly takes a village. I know that all of the kiddos that come through our home will be so loved by everyone in our lives. We have a great support system and I am so thankful!
The last several months on this journey have really been joyous. We have been muddling through paperwork and inspections, but there have been some really bright spots in preparing for kids. We pray that God equips us and helps us to be good parents. We know parenting is not easy but thankfully we have great examples all around us.
Please keep us in your prayers this week. Specifically, we need prayers that the home study report will be completed before Wednesday, that the report will represent us well, that the agency will meet about us on Wednesday and approve us, and that we will be good foster parents to some kiddos. Thank you for your prayers and support all throughout this journey!!
AdoptedbyLove 